My hand turned me down
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
