What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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