New low: just hacked my moms facebook
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
