Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
