I have demons in me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
