You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize