my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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