Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
