Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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