At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
