its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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