all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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