I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
