Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
