fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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