That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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