I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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