Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
