I think I am morally bankrupt
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
