your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
