sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
