Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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