Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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