on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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