3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
