i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
