I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
