threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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