you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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