I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
