Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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