Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
