I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
