I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
