You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
