I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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