Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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