My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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