Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
