i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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