Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
