You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
