Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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