We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
