My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
