did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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