At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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