either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
