last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
