Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
