yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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