I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
