i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
