i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Couch. On fire.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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