do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
