Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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