I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
MIDGETS
????
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
