Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
