Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
