fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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