he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
