this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I want is dick and wine.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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