I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
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