Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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