last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
