You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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