i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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