Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
