It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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