She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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