So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
