Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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