please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
