Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
