Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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