you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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