Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She's the barista slut.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
