she looked like the before picture.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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