Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my sisters under your porch take her home
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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