"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
