You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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