Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
